Heads Will Roll
by Miss Rose Weasley
Summary: James, Fred, and Louis go back in time to meet their uncle Fred, and are assigned a very important job: to terminate the Cullens. Written on a request from CrazyIndividuals.
1. Chapter 1

The club meeting was called to order.

"Alright, men," said James, standing in front of his cousins in their treehouse, "what mischief shall we manage this week?"

Louis and Fred thought for a moment.

Fred spoke up. "Well, my Dad's always going on about how great my namesake was," he said, starting to grin, "so I propose we steal Aunt Hermione's time turner and go back to meet him."

"That seems a bit too easy," James objected.

But Louis piped up, "When we get there, Uncle Fred and Uncle George will probably have some great things for us to do!"

James grinned. "Now I like the sound of that."

For the rest of their meeting, they laid out a plan of what they would do. They would be in the joke shop, go back to when the twins were eighteen, and they would not reveal their last names, or any members of the family for that matter. No calling them "uncle" and "dad".

Right as they were wrapping up, they heard a call from inside the cottage. "Boys! Come inside, we are 'aving chicken nuggets." The young Mauraders cheered and ran into the house.

**Sorry it was short! Its purpose was only to lay out what they were about to do. **


	2. Chapter 2

**For this chapter, George's twin Fred is Fred I and George's son Fred is Fred II. **

Stealing Hermione's time turner was a pretty simple task. Fred II got her talking about something, and while she was yapping away Louis and James carefully stole her time turner. It took a few tries to get where they wanted to, but in the end they managed to reach the joke shop, 1997*.

"Whoa," said Fred II, who was used to a much louder and busier shop.

The twins were not hard to find—they were right in the middle of all of the chaos. "So, I got the ring today," Fred I was saying to a slightly put-out George. Something was off about him, the boys thought—then they realized that this George had both of his ears.

"New costumers," George interrupted, seemingly glad to change the subject.

"We have new costumers all the time," said Fred I irritably. "But I really want your advice about what I should say, I don't want to sound too rude or too gushy—"

But George wasn't listening; he was strolling over to the three young Weasley boys. "Welcome to Weasley Wizard Wheezes, what are you looking for today?" he asked.

"Er…" said James. Louis didn't say a word; he looked rather nervous. Fred II, however, looked his father in the face and said eagerly, "Do you have any jobs for us?"

George looked at them oddly as his brother came to join them. Then he grinned. "Sure, why not?" he said, giving Fred I a meaningful look. "Actually, there was a job we wanted done but we don't have time to leave the shop. What are your names?"

"James."

"Louis."

"Fred."

"Get out," said Fred I suddenly, grinning. "My name is Fred, too!" He ruffled his nephew's bright red hair.

George went to the back room and came back with four large bags. One of them was full of small things; another full of one large thing; one of them felt very light and the last one felt as though it had very sharp things in it. The bags were all tied together and had an envelope attached to the front.

"You'll need these," he said, handing them the bags. "Now, can you lot Apparate yet?"

"Not legally," answered Louis.

"Alright then, we'll take you by side-along."

George and Fred I grabbed the younger Weasley boys' hands and with a quiet _pop, _they appeared in mysterious woods.

"Everything you need is in the envelope," said Fred I, patting said object gingerly.

"When you're done, send us an owl," said George. "Just ask around for Arabella Figg—she's vacationing in the area, she has one."

"Good luck," said Fred I, and with another quiet _pop, _the twins vanished, leaving the teenagers in the unknown place.

*** I'm pretty sure this is the year before the final battle. If not, just pretend it is. **

**Also, Fred I is talking about proposing to Angelina Johnson. If you've read Forever (which I ask that you do), you'll see I believe that Angelina and Fred were engaged before Fred died and Angelina realized that she was meant to be with George. **


	3. Chapter 3

**If you love Twilight, then this is where you turn back. **

It was a rather typical day in the Cullen's home. Carlisle was doing surgery in the backyard, Esme was cooking lasagna and then throwing it away, Rosalie was putting bows in Nessie's hair, Emmett was wrestling with his teddy bear, Jasper was watching with a very constipated expression, Bella was whining about something or other, Edward was just sitting there looking creepy and almost as constipated as Jasper, and Alice was reading fashion magazines.

And then all of a sudden, Alice got a vision.

Three boys—one of them with messy black hair and blue eyes, one with light blond hair and freckles, and one with dark skin and bright red hair—were coming with bags full of vampire-killing weapons to use on the family.

"Alice, you've got to stop watching horror movies before you go to bed," said Edward.

His sister glared. "Edward, you know I can't sleep."

"Maybe you should take some cough medicine."

Alice rolled her eyes. She tugged on her mate's arm. "Jasper, we have to get out of here. Some kids are coming to kill us."

Jasper laughed, still looking constipated. "Don't worry, Alice, if we can outsmart the Volturi we can outsmart a couple of kids."

"You don't understand! They have rice!"

Jasper just laughed again. Alice glared.

"Fine then. You all can stay here and suffer—see if I care. I'm leaving."

Literally a second later, Alice and her yellow Porche were gone, never to be seen by the family again.


	4. Chapter 4

James opened the letter carefully.

_Dear whoever you are, _

_Thanks for doing this for us. We're really busy and we can't find someone to do this job, but it very much needs to be done._

_You are currently in Forks, Washington. It rains every day here. It is also home to some blood-drinking fairies that must be terminated. _

_The rules are simple: on the back of this parchment is a map to the house of blood-drinking fairies. It's not far from here and it's very easy to see—it's the huge sparkly white one. _

_Befriend the fairies. Don't let them bite you, because it'll hurt. _

_Now, you have received four bags. In the first bag there is a load of sand. It has been charmed to duplicate itself by ten thousand every time a grain is touched. In the second bag, there is a rope with a million complex knots that have been bewitched to retie itself every five minutes. In the third, there are a couple of extremely sharp axe blades and in the fourth, a box of powerful matches. Enclosed is a small vile of fairy venom antidote, but it's extremely hard to make so let's not waste it, eh?_

_From there, here's what you've got to do… _

Fred, James and Louis read on, and grinned even though by the end of the letter they felt a bit sick. This was going to be fun—if they succeeded, that was.


	5. Chapter 5

Fred, James and Louis found the house easily enough. They knocked on the door, and Carlisle answered.

"Hello," he told them, grinning and inviting them in without asking any questions.

"Um…" said Fred, who felt uncomfortable in the light, clean house.

"We need to see Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Renesmee in Rosalie and Emmett's bedroom," said Louis.

The fairies followed them up the stairs without question.

James dumped the back of sand on the floor, and immediately Carlisle and Esme tried to count each individual grain. James, Fred and Louis left quickly as the room was soon becoming so full of sand that there wasn't room to breathe, but they could still hear what was going on inside.

"Um, Auntie Rose?" Nessie said. "Auntie Rose?" No one answered. She screamed and still no one heard. Finally she jumped out the window, saying, "You guys officially suck. I'm going to live with Jacob."

But forgetting she couldn't fly, she broke both her legs crashing into the ground and was left lying there until a group of abusive elves that lived in the forest adopted her as their mascot.

Since Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett and Nessie were taken care of, the three Weasley boys went back downstairs. "We need to see Carlisle and Esme in their room."

The doctor and his mate went up the stairs with the teens. Once inside the bedroom, James closed the door and opened his bag, feeling rather like Santa Claus. "We have a present for you four," he said, taking out the enchanted knotted rope.

The fairies stared at it a moment, and then grabbed it, trying to untangle it but failing, as once they made any progress on the difficult item it retangled itself worse than ever. The boys went back downstairs, grinning.

"Edward and Bella, we need you outside," said James, leading the last two fairies outside to the much too large backyard.

The three cousins had decided they didn't want to chop up the fairies themselves. Instead, they whipped out their wands and cast Petrificus Totalus. Then they took out the matches and burned the man's body. His last words were, "So many regrets… I'm dead!"

And then they decided to have a bit of fun with the woman. (Get your mind of the gutter!) They Levitated one of the axe blades and let it fall right on her burning middle. She died shrieking, "But one of the kittens was blue*!"

Fred, James and Louis were very pleased with themselves. They only had one thing left to do: find the Squib to message their uncles.

*** This is something my uncle said when their cat had a litter of kittens and the dog, which was trained to hunt using cats, found them… He was four at the time and no one knew what it meant. **

**And by the way, in mythology, knots and rice were always used to distract a vampire. This will keep the Cullens busy for all eternity. (I used sand instead of rice because it will take more time.)**


	6. Chapter 6

**George's twin Fred is Fred I again and his son Fred is Fred II. **

Luckily, there was a map to Mrs. Figg's house in the envelope, and her owl must've been very fast, because within a few minutes Fred I and George were there, Fred I looking extremely happy and George looking rather glum.

"Hello, Arabella," said George. "Sorry I can't stay for tea, but I've got to get these guys back to the shop."

They Apparated back to London and there, Fred II and James and Louis were asked to describe in detail their getting rid of the Cullen family. When they were done, they realized how tired they were, and told the twins that they'd like to go home.

"Do you need any help?" asked Fred I. He and his brother both looked very pleased.

"We'll manage," answered James. Louis pulled the time turner out from under his robes and spun it a few times. After a couple tries, they were back were they started, and Louis slipped the time turner back where he found it.

"—and that's the reason there are House Elf clothing brands," Hermione finished, beaming.

Fred II beamed back half-heartedly. "That's great, Aunt Hermione. Good job," he told her.

"Oh, it's time for you boys to go home, isn't it!" she said, giving them each a handful of Floo powder.

And never again was the world attacked by annoying vampire novels.

**Fred I is happy because Angelina accepted his proposal, and George is upset because he fancies Angelina. **

**Hope you liked this, CrazyIndividuals! :)**


End file.
